I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
