My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
