I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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