I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
