And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
