Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
