hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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