I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
