saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
