paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
