Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
