i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
