Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
