the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
