I think my vagina is haunted
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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