So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
