he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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