She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
