He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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