Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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