theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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