I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
