I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize