People with herpes should wear stickers.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
