i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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