i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize