I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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