i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
