One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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