Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
vagina is talking i cant
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
