how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
