I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
