I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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