The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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