I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
