Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
