I only kidnapped one of them. chill
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
