i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize