Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
