Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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