A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
