i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
