I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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