Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
