I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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