there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We had to coat check the pizza.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
