I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
