y did u give ur computer a hand job?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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