oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
