When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
