Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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