I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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