my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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