sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
