Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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