i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
