Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize