I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
