I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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