Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize