I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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