Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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