Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
