Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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