1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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