K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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