this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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