K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize