shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
