And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
