he told me I talked like a deaf person
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
