when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
