my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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