i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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