He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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